|
Angulation:
|
Degree
to which dog handlers will bend over
backwards to impress judges. |
|
Balance:
|
(a)
How to arrange the checkbook so your
husband won't know how much money you spent on dog shows last
month. Usually done in the bathroom with the door locked;
(b) Ability to hold coffee, danish, leash, treats and entry
form all at once. |
|
Bitch:
|
(a)
Name for a lady dog;
(b) Name often heard at dog shows, not always to describe
a lady dog. |
|
Blind
Retrieve:
|
When
you can't see the toy under the
furniture. |
|
CGC:
|
Canine
Gastrointestinal Catastrophe
(aka GAS) |
|
Coat:
|
The
hairy covering of a dog that usually falls out about one week
before the Specialty show. |
|
Crabbing:
|
What
you do when the judge doesn't like way
your dog moves. |
|
Dam:
|
(a)
lady dog with children;
(b) expression frequently overheard at dog shows as losers
leave the ring. |
|
Distemper:
|
Shown
by those hot-headed competitors. |
|
Dog:
|
To
chase a judge from show to show in an effort to attain more
breed wins. |
|
Double
Bind:
|
Finding
two toys under the furniture. |
|
Elbow:
|
Method
of getting to ringside when late. |
|
Expression:
|
"Sweet"
look adopted by dogs while
staring ravenously at chunks of liver. |
|
Fancier:
|
Degree
to which some gentlemen handlers dress more than others. |
|
Feathering:
|
What winners are accused of doing to judges' nests. |
|
FlyBall:
|
Neutering.
|
|
Force
Fetch:
|
Dog
drops the toy under furniture, scratches
at the carpet until you're forced to "fetch" it. |
|
Front:
|
Part
of the dog often stacked toward the outside of the ring. |
|
Guard
Hair:
|
An
activity in which one watches intently as
the dog's hair falls out, in clumps, just after entries are
mailed. |
|
Heel:
|
(a)
what you feel like when your dog beats the one you had just
sold to an eager novice;
(b) expression often screamed to attract the attention of
deaf dogs. |
|
Height:
|
As
in "Maximum Allowed," a measurement which all champions fall
under by at least 1/8 of an inch. |
|
Hock:
|
A
way of financing your dog shows by the use of jewelry such
as wedding rings. |
|
Kennel:
|
Where
you go when the kids fight and your husband yells at you.
|
|
Litter:
|
Trash
left all over the building and parking lot
after a dog show. |
|
Mask:
|
What
to wear when you have to show the pet you sold six months
ago. |
|
Muzzle:
|
What
to put on your kids at a dog show
to prevent them from calling your competition
what they overheard you call him last night. |
|
Noseprints:
|
Cute
marks left all over your French doors. |
|
Outcrossing:
|
What
your husband tells the minister you are
doing out in the kennel with the dog and the bitch. |
|
Overshot:
|
Running
so fast as to pass the 1st place ring
marker and plow into the judge and the stewards. |
|
Pedigree:
|
Dog
food with lots of great coupons. |
|
Points:
|
Minute,
invisible awards for winning which you cannot convince your
spouse are more important than cash prizes. |
|
Puppies:
|
Small,
dog like food-processing machines with the ability to stink
up an entire house and collectively deafen a band of magpies.
(These creatures have not yet been perfected, as they come
with leaky systems, and can also be dangerous to weak hearts
and bank accounts.) |
|
Qualifying
Score:
|
Justifying
the 170.5 you got in obedience today. |
|
Ribbons:
|
What
you want to cut the other exhibitors into,
after their pet wins. |
|
Specialty:
|
Whatever
your dog is good at, like bringing
home dead cats or chewing on walls. |
|
Type:
|
What
your dog has... if you turn down the lights and squint a little.
|
|
Utility:
|
The
kind of vehicle you need to haul around your dogs. |
